Chapter Text
S1 E5
"Jason Gideon, an expert in the criminal psyche yet unable to diagnose the autistic leanings of the very insecure Dr. Reid. Well, maybe he can make money counting cards in Las Vegas."
Reid's jaw tightened the moment the unsub had spoken his name. It certainly wasn't what he'd expected. His hearing went static the moment the unsub's sentence had finished. He worked for the FBI with professional profilers, yet no one had approached him about his place on the spectrum. Maybe he'd been much to naïve. He knew deep down that they knew, there was no way they couldn't at least suspect he had some form of Asperger's. It was obvious from his incredible intelligence and lack of social skills. Though he'd never been formally diagnosed, Reid was self-aware enough to know.
But now it had been formally announced to the whole room.
Would he be looked at differently? Would there be pity in the eyes of his coworkers when they looked at him? What would this change?
Reid kept his eyes down, his hands fiddling with one another. He took a shaky breath, refocusing himself on the investigation. Now was not the time to dwell on his own insecurities, a girl's life was in danger. He found himself tuning back into the conversation at hand.
"He profiled us, Mr. Davenport."
"Why would he do that?"
"To show us how smart he is" Elle quipped.
Reid spoke up, "often times the best profilers are the unsubs themselves." He risked a glance up to see everyone looking at him. No one's eyes portrayed anything different than normal and he decided to continue. "they're the ones able to walk into an arcade full of children and pinpoint the boy or girl that can be led out quietly." His eyes fell once more as he finished speaking, his hands becoming very interesting to study. Reid found himself zoning out once more until the victim's father began making a commotion.
He appeared to be fighting with Gideon. The man's behavior was not shocking, he didn't fully understand what they were doing and how the information learned would help them find his missing daughter. Mr. Davenport was eventually led away from the room by another person and Gideon faced the group.
Reid kept his head lowered, staying in his seat. He felt like making himself as small as possible, maybe curling his lanky body up in a corner somewhere. Once again he had to pull himself out of the hole he continually ventured into in his mind to focus on what his team members were saying.
"—he has to be one of us."
"I'm gunna have Garcia do a search of the New Haven FBI field office"
"The guy we're looking for knows this house, he knows the family."
The conversation paused slightly. Reid found his chance to sneak in a statistic to keep up appearances, as that seemed to be what he would normally be doing at this point. "There's 700 agents in New Haven and another 70 in satellite offices." He knew his voice seemed slightly quieter and shaky, and he knew his team would pick up on that, but Reid hoped no one would comment. Luckily, no one did. "Davenport knows quite a few of them." He finished, glancing up at Hotch. His face bore the normal blank stare it always did and Reid broke eye contact after a few seconds.
"While we're narrowing the list, Cheryl can't stay here…"
Reid rested his head on his hand. He nodded along as if he was listening, but he went back into that hole once more. The words the unsub spoke echoed in his head. "unable to diagnose the autistic leanings of the very insecure Dr. Reid". He was both of these things, he couldn't deny that, but no one had ever spoken either fact aloud, at least not to him. It was hard to not be insecure. Being the youngest member of the BAU team, he often felt like an outsider. He was treated like a kid. Though, he supposed, he was much younger than most members of the team. He knew he was only where he was because of Gideon. Without the help of his father-figure superior, there was no way he would've passed all the necessary qualifications to get on the team. Besides his intelligence, he was fairly useless to the team. He was a horrible shot and wasn't very in shape. In fact, he didn't even weigh enough to be considered healthy enough on the team, another measure Gideon had to wave. He was socially awkward and struggled to understand social queues. The team could go without him, he knew that, they'd been just fine for all the years before he'd joined.
When he had first joined the team, they'd all been fairly welcoming. Though Derek tended to tease him, he learned that it was all out of love and he meant nothing offensive by it. However, he couldn't help but consider whether they needed him.
He jumped suddenly when Gideon placed a hand on his shoulder. "sorry" he whispered, quickly making eye contact with Gideon. He couldn't be certain because he didn't look into his superior's eyes for very long, but there seemed to be a hint of concern. Before he could make a comment though, Reid's phone rang.
Reid grabbed it out of his pocket quickly and answered. Gideon patted his shoulder once more and walked away, approaching Mr. Davenport.
"Elle."
He spoke to Elle for a while, discussing the previous moments which had occurred. A pit appeared as he hoped once again, she wouldn't bring up what the unsub had mentioned.
"They did a bug sweep right when we arrived."
Reid nodded to himself, "yeah, I remember."
Elle continued, "and yet the unsub seems to know all about us… Hey Reid, do you know what non-local interaction is?"
"What are you getting at?"
"How can he be holding Trish prisoner and still know exactly what we're talking about."
It clicked in his mind. "I know what you're saying. It seems like he knows what's going on here the moment that it happens."
"There's gotta be a listening device."
"They swept the room when we got here."
"Yeah… and then they brought in their own equipment."
Reid's brows furrowed. He stood quickly, ending his call, and approached Gideon.
"Elle thinks someone might have planted a listening device in one of the pieces of equipment brought in here by the police."
Gideon nodded, immediately springing into action. The two of them began looking through the equipment. It didn't take long for them to come across the said device. Gideon immediately walked away with it and Reid's eyes followed the man's movements. He confidently spoke to Mr. Davenport about Agent Shyer. It seemed that he was indeed the unsub.
Reid thought back to the agents who went with Morgan and Elle to the safe house.
"Gideon," the man turned to face Reid who quickly finished his thought, "Agent Shyer is at the safe house with Cheryl."
Gideon's phone pinged with a text message.
"It's Elle, she's got Shyre and he's given her Trish's location, let's go." He quickly left the room and Reid followed him out, grabbing his FBI jacket on the way. They raced to the SUV. "Call an ambulance to meet us there." Reid quickly followed Gideon's instructions, reciting the address to the emergency responders. It didn't take them more than twenty minutes to reach the scene, Morgan and Elle having beat them there.
They found Trish, banged up and traumatized but, most importantly, alive. Reid watched the EMTs load her onto a gurney and take her outside. The relieved faces of Cheryl and Mr. Davenport could be seen on either side of her as the three of them and the team of EMTs rushed to the ambulance. Gideon followed at a distance, and Reid found himself trailing slightly behind him.
After the group had loaded into the truck, Gideon began to walk away but Reid stopped him. "Hey, how did Elle get Shyre to give us Trish's location?"
Gideon paused to face the Reid. "I imagine she found some creative way to persuade him."
Reid huffed slightly, that was a very vague answer. "What do you think-"
"You know, maybe you just don't need to ask so many questions, let's just enjoy the moment" Gideon stated, smiling. Reid grinned awkwardly and nodded.
The two of them made their way back to the SUV, Reid trailing slightly once more. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and kept his head down, watching his feet. So far no one had brought up the earlier comment, yet he still had this pit in his gut. He felt like he was waiting for the band aid to be ripped off. And now that the case was finished, any moment someone would bring it up as a new way to poke fun at him.
He pulled the jacket closer to his slight frame, trembling slightly from the cold. Reid was starting to feel nauseated and panicked. "Not now" he thought. He was not about to have a panic attack in front of Gideon because of some dumb comment an unsub made. All he had to do was wait a few hours until he was home so he could cry in his own home alone.
He climbed into the car shakily. He'd claim it was because of the cold, but that was only part of it. His knee bounced up and down quickly on their quiet journey from the crime scene back to the plane. Reid felt Gideon's eyes, but he refused to make contact, keeping his head turned to look out the window. The slightest of interaction could send him over the edge right now, he just needed to keep himself together a little longer.
The rest of the night seemed to blur together. Reid almost completely shut himself down other than doing the simplest of motor functions in order to keep himself together. He didn't notice when people tried to speak to him or the concerned glances that his colleagues were exchanging on the jet, staying in the safety of his own mind. He instead sat in the furthest corner away from everyone and stared out the window. The flight wasn't a long one, and soon most everyone was asleep anyways.
Reid's eyes drifted closed without his realizing it, but he snapped out of it when a hand touched his shoulder. He flinched at the sudden contact and his eyes snapped opened. It was Gideon of course, who proceeded to take a seat across from him. Reid sighed and glanced out the window once more, collecting himself as much as he could.
"You okay?" Gideon asked. Reid could feel his eyes and couldn't help but glance back over at the man. They quickly flicked from Gideon's eyes into his own lap and he nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He found his leg bouncing once more and his hands twitched in his lap.
"You know no one thinks any different of you kid. The team isn't going to change their perception of you from one unsub's commentary." Reid clenched his jaw, inhaling a shaky breath. He nodded slightly.
"I know." He whispered. Clearing his throat, he once more attempted eye contact but found he could not hold it. "It's just… I guess I thought…" he sniffed, feeling tears build up behind his eyes. "I thought that since no one brought it up maybe the team didn't see it. I thought maybe they thought I was at least somewhat n-normal." His voice wavered and caught as the tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He could feel the quickening of his own heartbeat and Gideon's hard stare.
"You're not normal." Reid's head shot up at this, but Gideon continued. "No one on this team is normal. You can't be a normal human and do this job, Spencer. And if you think that anyone on this team is going to treat you any differently after this case…" he sighed, "they won't, okay? We need you because of your quirks, you're a great agent and that isn't going to change. You're an asset to this team. I know you don't always see all the good you do because you're more focused on others, but you help us solve cases much faster than we used to. That's why I jumped through so many hoops to get you here. If you weren't worth all the effort, I wouldn't have gone through it."
Reid stared at Gideon. He seemed sincere, but Reid was still unsure of himself. He found himself nodding anyways. A tear fell from his eye without permission and he quickly wiped it away. Gideon reached out to grab his other hand, smiling. Reid sniffed and smiled back at the man.
"Thank you." He said in a small voice. Gideon nodded and stood, patting him comfortingly on his shoulder.
"Get some rest Spencer." He spoke, leaving Reid to be by himself once more.
Reid continued smiling, glancing out the window once more. The pit in his stomach had mostly disappeared and he no longer felt an impending anxiety attack. His eyes slipped closed as he allowed himself to drift off, Gideon's kind words in echoing in his mind. Even if he wasn't certain everything Gideon said was true, he was too exhausted to look into it much further. He allowed himself to succumb to sleep.
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